I know I talked about depression pretty recently, but two more of the YouTubers I follow have since made videos about having depression, and I just …
Tag Archives: anxiety
It’s been occurring to me recently that you should be suspicious of happy people. Not in the grouchy “I’m angry about everything so you should be too” way, but in a “are you actually really happy or are you overcompensating” way.
I’m the kind of person who constantly wonders, “What if?” What if I hadn’t made that one little choice in that one split second? Would I still know you? Would I still be the person I am? Would I even be alive?
I’m the kind of person who enjoys everything, but only “while it lasts.” Because how could something so good last forever? How could my friends not get tired of me and replace me? Life changes, people change, and I don’t. I never change.
I’m the kind of person who wonders, “Well, if anything can happen, what’s keeping me here?”
I smile at my friends as they walk out the door. I wave at their car as they drive away.
I wonder if I’ll ever see them again.
Not that they’re going away for a long time. In fact, we’ve just made plans to see each other tomorrow—Jittery Joe’s. Coffee. Conversation.
But anything can happen between now and then.
It’s not that I’m planning on not seeing them. I’m not thinking morbid thoughts of what could happen. It’s just—
Death is inevitable. And the daily illusion of immortality has never fooled me.
At any moment these fragile things we call lives could end—we could get hit by a car or crash our own. Our hearts could decide to stop or our lungs could give out or fill with water. Another human could make one bad decision and we could get shot or knifed or beaten. We could discover we have…
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So I may have accidentally gotten on the wrong highway recently. And it was so straight and I could see so far that I just wanted to keep going. Continue reading
…just get that vague feeling of unease? Not like something bad actually happened, not like you see a car about to hit you, but you just feel like you’re forgetting something important or you didn’t notice something you were supposed to? That lightheadedness and shortness of breath, and your heart doesn’t exactly beat faster but it beats a little harder like, hey I’m not in the part of your ribcage I’m supposed to be in?
I don’t like this feeling. I think I’m going to be sick.
(Okay, got that out of the way.)
Wow, it’s been a while since I properly posted anything. Anywhere, actually, not just on WordPress. I had friends at my house over Christmas, and the last one just left this weekend. It’s so weird having my house to myself after a month and a half. Continue reading