28

It’s been so long since I posted on this blog regularly that I’m not really sure what the “Follow That Rabbit” aesthetic is anymore. I guess books are the closest thing I’ve ever had to a theme. Looking back though, I noticed that I used to write about a lot of other things too.

I started this blog when I was a senior in college. That seems like so long ago now. It’s been five years and some change since my first blog post, a post worrying about what I would do when I graduated.

There were some short stories and flash fiction. I used to love flash fiction. I forgot about that. I haven’t really been writing recently. I haven’t really written anything in a couple of years. Maybe that’s why it’s so much harder to blog. I’m not writing anything, so this is even weirder.

Japan was a long time ago too. I blogged the trip really faithfully because in 2013 I was all about that archive life. In 2017, I didn’t even keep a personal diary. I kept my logbook because that’s who I am as a person, but actual journaling? Probably less than ten times throughout the entire year. That made blogging harder too.

I discovered bullet journaling last year. I started my first one this January. I really love how it’s a fusion of past and present. I’m not someone to talk about my goals, mainly because I don’t like to think about the future. I’ve always been really aware of that fact that everyone has a certain amount of time, and no one knows how much. Bullet journaling gives me a less concrete way of planning than, say, a five-year plan. I guess that’s my anxiety talking. I’ve never been able to write out a plan without freaking out. Which is weird considering most of the time the absence of specific plans makes me really anxious.

Lots of stuff makes me anxious. Maybe that’s why I like Alice Isn’t Dead so much. It’s so empowering for people with anxiety, or who feel lost, or who are looking for something. I’m sure it’s meaningful to other people in ways that I don’t realize because what jumps out is me is, “It doesn’t matter how scared you are as long as you don’t let that stop you.” I finished re-listening to the second season recently, and I just kind of sat there for a while before I could move on to something else, even plain music. It was kind of the same sort of numbness I had when I finished Limitless and was halfway through Daredevil.

I can’t really explain why I like AID so much. In some ways, I’m a Keisha, but in a lot of ways, I’m also like Alice. Every time I listen to AID, I get more sure that Alice is my future. Is that hubris? I guess everyone thinks they’re cooler than they are. I’m getting too old to surprise people by being a seasoned secret agent though. I guess Brian Finch is about my age though. And Chuck Bartowski. But there’s no NZT-48 or Intersect for me.

All the more reason to start writing again. Right?

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