So it’s been a while since I’ve posted. It’s been even longer since I’ve written a proper post. I got self-conscious after a comment that a friend made (in a satirical way that I am completely aware I took too seriously), and I sort of limped along for a couple months before quitting entirely. I had gotten to a point where I felt suffocated by the pressure to be “honest.” As an INFJ, or maybe just as a human being, I crave authenticity, both from myself and from others. Somewhere along the line, that became the pressure to be open about everything. No one was pressuring me to do this. It was all in my mind. But that doesn’t mean the pressure was any less real. And so I stopped writing.
I’ve been playing with the idea of starting a book vlogger channel for over a year now. It keeps coming back to, “Do I want my face out there?” In the age of Instagram and Snapchat and Vine and whatever else they keep coming up with, that might seem like a strange thought. But I’m old enough to remember when smartphones didn’t exist, let alone this smorgasbord of social media options. We now live in a world where just by finding out someone’s name, you can look up almost anything about them. Birthday, workplace, family members–where to find that person and how to worm your way into their life if you so desired. Think about it: Do you know how much information is right out in the open, just on your public Facebook profile?
We don’t think about it anymore. We have open Twitters to join in a shared experience of a television premiere or an NFL game or a countdown to a book release (*cough cough*NEWHARRYPOTTERTOMORROWNIGHT*cough*). We do #mcm and #wcw and #tbt not considering that anyone can click on that tag and find your photo. We are part of this massive online community where we say everything we think because, “Well… why not?” But the Internet remembers everything, and it’s not very good at keeping secrets.
This is something that crept into the edges of my consciousness recently because I visited England last month. In England, especially in bigger towns, there are so many security cameras. Everyone had CCTV, and if you thought Mycroft’s camera trick was an exaggeration, you haven’t been to London.
But it’s okay for some things to be just for you. If you want to join a fandom quietly, there is no International Board of Fandom Regulations that says you must immediately post your thoughts to the Internet even though you don’t know enough to have an opinion yet. It’s okay not to get references, and it’s okay to yell, “Spoilers!” and make a mad dash away from a conversation. You don’t have to watch all elevens seasons in a month, or find every single interview from Comic-Con, to enjoy something.
With that in mind, I will not be making a Booktube channel. At least, not any time soon. But I do plan to be a lot more active on Goodreads, and I’d love to post some bookish tag type deals on WordPress.
Hi. My name is Hana. I’m an Aries, a Ravenclaw, a Pukwudgie, an INFJ, a Golden Retriever with a strong side of Beaver. I speak English and Japanese, and I’m working on French. I’m good at stacking square things aesthetically, and I’m really good at predicting jump scares. My superpower is anticipation, but you can call me psychic if you want.
And I am a writer, regardless of whether I write for you or just for me.