Courage, Dear Heart

Dear Alec,

My heart breaks for you.

It’s not that it didn’t hurt for you the first time I met you. I wanted you to be happy then too. But now I understand. Now it breaks my heart. Because I know this time. I have seen the tears in the middle of the night, I have heard the silent anguish in your voice, I have felt the crushing loneliness of longing for what you cannot have.

You don’t know all that’s in store for you in the next five volumes. You don’t even know what’s in store for you in the second half of this one.

And you’re trying so very hard. You want to please your father. You want to live up to the family legacy. You want to be known for the warrior you are.

But then you see Him. And by the Angel, he is beautiful. He’s the spun gold of the sunlight in summer. He’s the light you cannot touch. But he is your life. I’m just a mundie, but I can see how you look at him. I feel a tug at my heart when I see you glance up through your eyelashes, when you look away quickly in hopes that no one has noticed.

I have noticed. And it breaks my heart. Like you, I have been in love with someone who cannot see me. I understand how every smile and every laugh are like tiny knives twisting in your heart.

I know you will find happiness. I know you will love the one who can see you even more than you love the one who cannot. But you don’t know that yet. I wish I could show you how much happiness will one day replace all the hurt you bottle up inside.

But I don’t know that I would, even if by some miracle I had the chance. Your struggle makes you who you are. Exquisite art is born out of deepest pain. You are beautiful now, and you will be more than beautiful to the one who can see you.

I love you, Alec. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

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3 Comments

Filed under Memoirs, Reactions, Thoughts

3 responses to “Courage, Dear Heart

  1. This is very beautifully written. Is it part of a longer story? I would like to hear more about Alec and the troubles that seem to be in store. Mir xx

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