I don’t like to think about the future. Isn’t that the last thing I said yesterday? My biggest fear is the future. I’m not inclined to think about the future, not in terms of, “I want this, I want to reach here.” I’ve never had the resources to plan things far out. I’ve never had the courage to try.
I do this thing where I don’t get excited about stuff until right before it happens. Because I’m afraid. What if it doesn’t work out? What if something happens at the last minute, and I don’t get to have or do something I really wanted?
I just finished The Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare, and I swear, that book is the epitome of why I hate love triangles. I loved Jem from the get go, and nothing in Prince changes that. Why do I love the ones who are hopeless? The ones who, despite your best intentions and efforts, cannot be saved?
I know my life isn’t as exciting as a Clare book or Prison Break, where everything goes wrong at every turn. But I still can’t shake the idea that if I define a plan for my future, that plan will go pear-shaped very quickly.