(Okay, got that out of the way.)
Wow, it’s been a while since I properly posted anything. Anywhere, actually, not just on WordPress. I had friends at my house over Christmas, and the last one just left this weekend. It’s so weird having my house to myself after a month and a half.
My room is huge without the extra mattress in it, seriously. I hadn’t put away my college stuff in years (it probably wasn’t that organized before I started college, to be honest), and as soon as I got it cleaned up in December, we put down the extra mattress, and suitcases took up the rest of the floor space. So even though I got my stuff put away last month, I couldn’t really see the difference until this week.
I also got used to sleeping with my door propped open, which I never do when I’m alone, because (duh) demons. Anyway, huge room now, all to myself.
Life Update: I may be having anxiety attacks. Maybe you get them, and you say, “If it was one, you would know.” But I’ve never really been a fearful person, so I don’t know what it translates to for me. Basically, in the last few months, I’ll be walking around my house, and suddenly have to stop for a second because I’m so scared I can’t breathe. Last night, it was me remembering “If there’s only two of us, why are there three shadows?” from Disney’s completely innocuous Pair of Kings and juxtaposing Vashta Nerada from Doctor Who. It took twenty minutes of very light-hearted YouTube to shake the thought of my flesh vaporizing off my bones. (Side note: I’ve never been much for nightlights. The dark doesn’t scare me, but the shadows do. I also can’t sleep facing my window because I can see tree branches moving.)
Now, I normally wouldn’t have paid attention to this. But then today, I was researching panic attacks for a short story that I will be posting on Wattpad sometime in the next month (fingers crossed), and I realized that this numbing terror has been happening to me a lot more recently. As a recent college graduate, is this level of anxiety normal? Maybe normal is the wrong word. Is it common?